9 Tips to Work Through Communication Issues in a Relationship

28.08.2017

A lot of couples experience communication issues in relationships. In is natural to have issues being in serious long-term relationships. Still, for many partners some issues become too difficult to cope with. Unable to overcome the challenges, partners become alienated and, eventually, break up. The following guide will show you how to resolve communication issues in a relationship.

How Important is Communication in a Relationship?

Communication in a relationship is very important. You simply can’t overrate its significance. Relationships are based on communication and are not possible without it. You and your partner communicate daily. Being in serious long-term relationships requires you to communicate effectively in order for you and your partner to get along successfully. It is impossible to reach understanding without effective communication. Love and sensual attraction as well as close connection all depend on how successfully you apply your communication skills. Only with help of communication you can make your relationship solid, happy, and fulfilled.

Reasons of Communication Issues

Communication issues in a relationship disallow partners to understand each other. When there is no understanding love and sensual feelings fade away which causes a lot of pain. Partners easily become stressed when they argue frequently and cannot reach understanding. There are many reasons why communication issues in relationships make people stressed and depressed. Partners can be egoistic or infantile. Difference in worldviews, personal background, and emotional expression can all bring either connection or miscommunication. Sometimes two people who are both adequate and perfectly normal still have issues because such is the nature of relationships. It is important for you to understand that there is no way you can avoid communication issues in relationships. What matters, though, is how you deal with these issues.

How to Improve Communication in a Relationship?

1. Define What Keeps You Together

In order for you to resolve relationship communication issues and reach understanding you need to know why you and your partner are together. Though it may sound strange but this is not always an easy question. People tend to avoid asking themselves why they are together or they answer with clichés. Usually people say something like “he is the love of my life”, “she is the one”, “because we love each other”, etc. Answers like these are not real answers but clichés.

Try to think out of the box. You need to know as definitely as you can why you two are together and not with some other people. Look for qualities you admire in your partner. Ask what attracts your partner to yourself. This way you will have a foundation of your relationship and knowing what caused it can significantly improve your communication.

2. Spend More Time Together

Experience comes with practice. Having difficulties in communication you may think that spending time alone makes you feel better. However, this is how alienation starts. When you feel the need to stay away from your partner and don’t want to talk to him/her, you should make an effort and ignore your bad feelings. Try concentrating on positive emotions. Remember good times you had and look into future for the good times you will have.

Remember this: never ignore your partner. Spending time together is what relationships are all about. Don’t just stay at home and talk. Go out and make something interesting together. Be creative and choose activities that will make you both feel good. For example, instead of a typical visit to a restaurant, go to a gallery or visit a fair. Distractions can not only make it easier for you to communicate but give you reasons for communication seeing as how new experiences will give you something to talk about.

3. Make Your Own “Rituals”

One of the creative approaches to making communication in relationships more effective is to organize “rituals”. What does it mean? It means that you and your partner should agree on doing something you are both interested in regularly. It can be anything you want as long as you and your partner are okay about it. For example, have a bicycle ride each Wednesday or visit a concert each Friday. The important thing is to always look forward to these rituals. Therefore, choose carefully. Making your own “rituals” or, if you prefer, traditions, should make you do it regularly on schedule. When one partner does not feel like doing it the other one should remind him about the agreement.

Your own rituals or traditions can make your communication skills more effective because you two will be regularly involved in a mutually interesting activity. Think of it as training. Only instead of training your muscles you work on your communication skills. In case with a bicycle ride you can even do both at the same time.

4. Seek Counseling

Depending on the intensity and quantity of your problems, you should consider visiting a psychiatrist. Now, some people do not even consider this possibility out of principle. A lot of couples do not wish to seek professional help because it makes their problems feel more real. Other people just don’t want to share with strangers or don’t want to seem as “cuckoos”. In reality, though, most people nowadays experience stress and depression but prefer dealing with it alone.

A psychiatrist who specializes in couple’s therapy can act as a third party. Professional help can give an objective view from aside and bring solutions which neither of the partners can come to because of their individual perspectives. If you sincerely want to continue being in relationship with your partner but your emotional struggle is too difficult, don’t hesitate to seek counseling. There is nothing shameful about asking for help, especially when it can be very useful.

5. Respect Your Partner’s Personal Borders

Those asking how to deal with communication issues in a relationship need to know about personal borders. Even two loving people need their own private space and time as well. Loving your partner doesn’t mean having him/her at your demand 24/7. Communication issues appear what partners either spend too little time with each other, or too much time. It is highly advisable to avoid these two extremes. Try to be moderate.

Allow your partner to be alone sometimes and ask for company at some other occasions. Demand same treatment for yourself. Don’t get offended when your partner doesn’t want to spend time with you. It doesn’t mean that he/she doesn’t value you or try avoiding you. When your partner needs to be alone he/she needs to rest. People who love each other also need to rest from each other. You should surely agree that it’s better than a forced conversation without sincere interest or an argument because of emotional exhaustion. Personal borders are natural psychological defense mechanism which every individual has. For example, you won’t allow strangers cursing you on the street.

Same way you won’t allow your friends to decide what kind of dinner you’d like to eat. In relationships you, for example, can’t make your partner do what he/she doesn’t want to do. Respecting your partner’s freedom means allowing him/her to think individually. Otherwise, you slip into the issues of ownership and possession. But even though you two are together and in love, you don’t own your partner and you can’t own him/her without damaging love.

6. Don’t be Scared by the Challenges

In order for you to know how to resolve communication issues in a relationship you should be willing to make an effort. Remember that serious long-term relationship require you accept responsibility and make a commitment. It means dealing with challenges and not running away from them. Don’t think that dealing with lack of communication in a relationship is a walk in a park. It is a process that needs time and effort. Therefore, be enthusiastic and hopeful. Don’t get offended easily and don’t think hopelessly about quitting each time you have problems.

Be more mature about the way you face your challenges. Dealing with problems makes you and your relationships stronger. On the contrary, avoiding problems and running away from them decreases your chances of success. When you ignore problems or when you’re not brave enough and fear them progress and development are impossible. Effective communication in relationships is unachievable without your complete devotion and faith.

7. Listen Attentively

If you want to understand your partner and communicate effectively, you need to listen. It means allowing your partner to express himself/herself when he/she wants or needs to do it. Never ignore your partner and never interrupt or switch attention to yourself. When you listen, do it with realization and be attentive to what your partner wants to say. You may be irritated or offended by his/her words. The subject may also seem inappropriate to you or you can just be not in the right mood. Despite all this you should make an effort and be open to your partner allowing him/her to be heard.

Remember that you are not strangers to each other. You choose one another to be with because you care about your partner and he/she cares about you. Only strangers on the street ignore each other. Being close you should never shut down and avoid your partner. You should also disallow your partner to avoid you.

8. Express Yourself Clearly

To reach understanding you need to express yourself clearly. Don’t make your partner guess your desires and think hard about what you feel. Be as clear as possible. Don’t have any secrets, don’t disguise yourself or lie to your partner. Lies of any kind ruin effective communication and disallow relationships to evolve and prosper. When you feel sad don’t keep it in. Express yourself and share your feelings. That is what partners do. When your partner is happy and joyful be happy and joyful with him/her. Remember that your partner’s happiness is your happiness too.

9. Care About Each Other

Effective communication is also based on care and support. Among other reasons, you and your partner are together to provide care and support for each other. It means always being helpful. Never allow your partner to feel helpless and abandoned. Your responsibility is to provide comfort. You should be reliable and always willing to help your partner. Don’t think that your time is more precious that the efforts of your partner. Unequal division of duties in a relationship often leads to a breakup.

All in all, you need to be honest, enthusiastic, and caring. Try spending more time with your partner and respect his/her personal borders. Listen attentively and express yourself clearly. Don’t be scared by the challenges and seek counseling if you think it’s needed.