How to Get Your Partner to Understand Your Feelings

22.08.2017

The significance of mutual understanding in relationships simply cannot be overrated. You definitely need to try your best at being understanding in a relationship. There is no way for you and your partner to get along without it. Understanding is a basic foundation of effective communication. If you want to be happy, successful, and productive, then you should always keep in mind that understanding is important in relationship.

What Is Understanding in a Relationship?

Understanding in relationships is a system of effective communication. Without understanding, you can’t express sympathy to your partner and be compassionate about his/her problems. It also means that you don’t love your partner. Remember this: love = understanding. It doesn’t mean that you should always know what your partner feels, thinks, and says. No, this is simply impossible because all people always have misunderstandings. However, it means that most of the time you should be able to understand what your partner feels, thinks, and says. It also means that you should always be willing to understand and make your best at doing so.

The important element here is your intention, and not a result. However, sincere intentions usually give the best result. So, understanding in relationships is your constant readiness to meet the expectations of your partner, express compassion, sympathy, and interest in what he/she thinks, says, and feels.

How to Build Understanding in a Relationship?

Building understanding is a long and difficult process. It takes time and effort. You can’t simply wake up one morning and become understanding. No, it means changing your character traits if needed, making compromises, training, learning, communicating, etc.

Be Honest

Start by being honest. Honesty is a basic foundation of understanding. Under no circumstances should you lie to your partner. There is no difference between big lies and little lies. No lies means, literally, no lies, at all. You should never lie to your partner and you should also demand your partner to follow your example. Lies of any kind is the enemy of understanding. People who lie in relationships work against themselves because they deprive their partners of truth. When one partner lies he/she manipulates and tries to control his/her partner. There is no place for subjection, control, and manipulation in sincere and happy relationships.

Learn How to Communicate

Because understanding is important in relationship you need to achieve it through communication. Effective dialogue and sincere talks are the best way to understanding. What does it mean? It means that you should share what is important to you with your partner. When you feel bad or sad, you should talk about it with your partner. When your partner feels the same way, be open and ready so he/she could share with you. It also applies to situations when you are happy, joyful, frustrated, angry, etc. Always share with your partner.

Relationship counselors claim that distrust and misunderstanding kicks in when partners contain their emotions and feelings instead of sharing them with each other. You can always have a small talk with your partner but also be eager to have serious conversations about your future, problems, plans, thoughts, feelings, etc.

Spend More Time Together

The best way for you to become more understanding of your partner is to spend time with him/her. This advice may look obvious and banal but, believe it or not, the amount of time partners spend together differs a lot from couple to couple. Not all partners spend a lot of time together. Spending time together does not include sexual intercourse and/or going to a supermarket. Still, it all depends on how you follow the previous advice (communication). You can communicate effectively in a supermarket as well. However, try spending time together in an interesting way. Look forward to going together to a park or visiting a cinema.

Organize Your Own “Rituals”

Making your own “rituals” is advised by relationship counselors in order to improve communication. It means having traditions which both you and your partner value. It can be anything and the choice is all yours. Be creative. For example, choose some special place and go there one time a week at the same time to order your favorites. Have a traditional walk in the park or watch a movie on Fridays. Having these rituals of mutual value will help you to have something in common you both care about.

Be Involved in Each Other’s Activities

Usually, what you partner is interested in shouldn’t necessarily interest you. Still, it should interest you indirectly. For example, you’re not into dancing but because your partner is interested in dancing it means that you should be interested in dancing as well but indirectly. Consider it a little sacrifice and pretend you’re interested because it will make your partner feel better.

Define What Keeps You Together

You should know for sure why you and your partner are together. In other words, what makes your relationship solid? Why did you choose each other and not some other people? What makes you interested in each other? Why you admire each other? All these questions should make you certain about the nature of your relationship. There should be some definite qualities for which you love your partner. In order to reach understanding, you need to know what it is that you value about your partner. Try thinking about it to find what keeps you together. Learning about this will be useful if you want to understand your partner.

How to Get Your Partner to Understand Your Feelings?

We all experience difficulties when we try to interpret feelings of other people. We also get easily offended when someone ignores or misunderstands our own feelings. Unfortunately, such is the nature of communication and human relationships. We are not telepaths and cannot make another person feel what we feel. We can try and sometimes succeed. Still, it’s of no use to get offended when somebody misunderstands us. One of the aims of close personal relationships is to break this barrier between “we” and “others” by creating a connection. With time and effort, this connection can bring understanding, care, support, tolerance, and, of course, love.

Share and Be Attentive

So, how can you make your partner understand your feelings? How can you understand feelings of your partner? Remember that sharing is important. Share your feelings and only then demand understanding. Often people simply don’t want to share. If your partner doesn’t want to share, then make him/her share by demanding to say what is going on. Be attentive to how your partner acts, what he/she does, and try guessing what goes on in his/her head.

Never Ignore Your Partner

Two partners in a relationship can never ignore each other. Ignoring is what strangers on a street do to other strangers. Never act like strangers because, essentially, you and your partner are trying to become the closest people you know. When you feel tired and don’t want to be distracted, make an effort and listen to what your partner wants/needs to say. You may think that timing is bad but your partner could easily shut it in and become alienated. Therefore, always be open to what goes on in your partner’s mind.

Express Yourself As Clearly as Possible

Partners involved in serious long-term relationship often start taking each other for granted. Moreover, partners become irritated when they don’t guess each other’s thoughts. No matter how long you two are together, you need to express yourself as clearly as possible in order to decrease the level of effort your partner makes to understand you. Don’t make riddles out of your desires and don’t make your partner force himself/herself as if trying to please you. This never works. In order to reach understanding you need to communicate effectively and this is impossible without clear expression.

Understand Yourself

Start by understanding your feelings. You can’t demand your partner to understand you if you don’t understand yourself. If you think understanding yourself is easy, then you are gravely mistaken. Not all people understand themselves. Most people only occasionally understand themselves. In order for you to understand yourself you need to learn how to be self-reflective. When you get angry, ask yourself “why am I angry?” and when you’re happy ask “what am I happy for?”. These simple questions will make you more aware of your feelings. It is difficult to understand yourself all the time but making a little effort will gradually bring you more realization about your life and relationship.

Understand Your Partner

Urge your partner to understand himself. Ask him/her the same questions you ask yourself. A simple “how do you feel?” each day can help you to communicate more effectively. Be curious about your partner. You should pay attention to how his/her attitude changes. Look for patterns in his/her behavior. For example, your partner might increase his/her voice when he/she is angry or become very silent when he/she is sad. Therefore, if your partner is unnaturally silent, think that he/she is sad and act accordingly. Apply this method to different situations and behavior patterns.

Why Understanding Emotions and Feelings is Difficult?

It is natural to experience difficulties while understanding other's feelings. So, don’t be afraid of the challenges. Feelings and emotions are not thoughts, statements, and opinion. When you feel something, it is hard to put it into words. It is not because of you or your partner but because feelings are naturally so that they can’t be put into words. Still, the art of communication is all about expressing yourself as clearly as possible and making an effort to interpret the feelings of other people correctly.

Be Open Minded

If you want to be understood and want to understand your partner, you should always stay open minded. What does it mean? First of all, don’t fall for prejudices. Try thinking out of the box and approach each problem creatively. Being open minded means being open to something new. Changes and improvements happen only when you allow them to happen. Therefore, to be understanding you need to show a willingness to understand others. Your partner won’t be open if you are not open. So, always try meeting your partner halfway and be ready to compromise. Never allow your egoism to prevail over common interests.

All in all, in order to be understanding you need to communicate effectively. Talk everything out and express yourself clearly. Spend more time with your partner in order to know him/her better. Be honest and eliminate lies from your relationship. Focus on your own feelings as well. Good luck!