How to Know If You Are in a Rebound Relationship

23.01.2018

The attitude of people to rebound relationships is uncertain. Some say that this is a big mistake and after a break with the previous partner, a person needs to go through "rehabilitation", detox, and it is better that only best friends are near him or her. Others argue that the rebound relationship does not allow a person to fall into the abyss of despair; it tirelessly reminds that the previous partner was not irreplaceable. Really, rebound relationships have their pros and cons, but you hardly want to understand them after it turns out that you are already being used to heal someone’s breakup trauma. Therefore, we offer you a list of signs by which you can determine whether you fell into the trap or not.

What Is a Rebound Relationship?

So what is a rebound relationship? A rebound relationship is when a person who recently broke up with their partner enters a new relationship in order to escape from loss or force their ex to be jealous. The ethics of such relationship raises a lot of controversy and this is understandable. Nobody wants to be used by someone. Some of you may argue, but such relationship implies the practical exploitation of one person by another. By the way, rebound relationships can arise even before the breakup with a partner, in the period of emotional coldness.

The post-breakup recovery takes different lengths of time depending on the type of personality. Someone needs only a couple of months, for others the process can take years. The duration and intensity of feelings depends on the individual characteristics of the person, the quality of relationships, the duration.

For a person who’s just experienced a breakup, situation is often characterized by the idea that he or she will not stand emotional pain and they need to find comfort. In addition, the rupture may be preceded by years of unsatisfying relationships and, as a consequence, the feeling that a person wasted a lot of time. There is a desire to make up for lost time right now, by all means. In rebound relations, one can distract from obsessive thoughts and feelings about the ex, get sexual satisfaction and refill "empty" evenings.

It would seem that if a person enters into this kind of relationship, he or she relieves heartache, tries to prove that there is life after breakup. But the paradox of such romances is that they are experienced not like a mature love relationship at all.

But what can we say about rebound relationship psychology?

Specialists do not recommend entering into a new relationship soon after the parting. The main problem is to overcome the pain that has remained from the breakup. Most people do not realize this. They try to do everything to abstract themselves from negative emotions. They try to just drown out the insult, ignore it, like an annoying insect. But such muffled resentments turn into poison with time, which does not allow you to evolve as a person and build normal romantic relationships with others.

If you are an adult, you must be able to learn from everything. And these lessons do not have to be always positive. Entering into a new relationship, while your thoughts are engaged in the image of the ex, who caused you so much suffering, you lose a unique opportunity to change yourself for the better. Having experienced all the negative emotions, after carefully analyzing the relations that recently ended, you gain invaluable information. Now you know better what you want from a romantic relationship. You have learned the lesson and done the work on the bugs. You have become better as a person. This is the only correct behavior in the case of an unexpected breakup with a partner.

An unwise decision to enter into a new relationship is a manifestation of huge irresponsibility and selfishness. You will not only be able to heal your wounds this way, you will spoil the life of another person. The only thing you will achieve is an even greater number of broken hearts in this world. It's pointless and stupid. Nobody deserves such treatment. So think carefully before you declare your love to another person after two weeks of dating.

But does a rebound relationship last? The answer to this question depends on two important factors: how strong is the emotional connection with the previous partner and how well is the current relationship developing? Most often, the rebound relationship does not last more than 2-3 months, when one of the partners uses it exclusively to maintain emotional balance. In normal, healthy relationships there should be constant feedback. If there is not any, such relationship will quickly end because it is based on pragmatic calculation and not on love. But there are exceptions to this rule. In such cases, the rebound relationship is much better than the previous relationship and the thoughts about the ex-partner are no longer a reason for anxiety and an unrestrained desire to turn the clock back.

How to Know That You Are the Rebound Guy

So what are the signs of a rebound relationship? A partner who recently survived the breakup, painfully remembers the ex-partner, fantasizes about him or her, talks about him or her with others - including a new partner. A new partner is used to feel comfort and have sex, he or she is practically not interesting as a person. Relations can be maintained only for the sake of not being alone, not having the status of a "loner" in society, and not because of the identity of another person and the value of joint experiences.

One of the markers of rebound relations is the mood swings. In order to extract valuable experience from the breakup and integrate it into the biography, you need time. After the breakup, a person experiences many ambivalent feelings for the ex-partner: attachment, anger, guilt, shame, irritation, jealousy, sadness. At the early stages of the break up, a person cannot clearly understand the source of these feelings and unconsciously retransmits them to their current partner.

Such relationships are important for a person to assert themselves. This is due to the fear of being rejected in society. In this case, social networks come to help. This is the ideal tool for giving out wishful thinking. You can make tons of photos, shoot videos, write about how beautiful life is now - and all this in order to prove to everyone around that you are not alone. Often these are all completely mechanical, unconscious actions. But even more often a person knows perfectly well what they are doing.

Thus, the danger arises both for the “victim” of the breakup and for their new partner. The new partner turns out to be unconsciously used as a "comforter," not being considered a person. The hurt partner is not interested in the comforter’s life. Those who seek consolation often get quickly disappointed because they were not ready for love and new relationships.

And now let’s find out what is a rebound guy. If you are reading this article, it might be you, my friend. We compiled a list of signs of rebound relations that may help you clarify the situation:

Your intuition tells you something is wrong. Men less trust their intuition than women and this is a big mistake. If you feel that something is wrong in your relationship, although everything looks almost perfect, it makes sense to analyze your feelings and your relationship. The call of intuition is the first sign that you should ask yourself: am I a rebound guy? If you kiss, hug, walk holding hands, but you feel that in the puzzle called "love" something is missing, so it is.

Your relationship is developing too fast. You met each other two weeks ago, but you already plan to move in together. Before that, you went to the cinema a couple of times and attended parties together a couple of times. Yes, you have regular and good sex - it says a lot. But doesn’t it seem to you, my friend, that everything happens too quickly? Do you like her? Great, but do not lose your head. If the initiative comes from her and everything that happens seems strange to you, maybe it's one of the signs you re in a rebound relationship.

She is not over her ex. It’s very simple to mention. If each of your conversations, in which she mentions her ex, turns into an angry monologue about what a bastard he is, it means that she still has feelings for the ex-partner. And this is a strong feeling. Believe me, my friend, you absolutely do not need such a relationship. You will be only ears, in which she can speak out. You are a weapon of the pitiful vengeance of a desperate person. Talk with her. Most likely you will find out that 90% of her thoughts are occupied by an ex-partner, and the remaining 10% - by sex with you.

She’s crazy about sex. First you will be delighted with this. Sex every day, several times a day. This is excellent. But if you remember that she broke up with her partner a week ago, you will quickly find out that this is just a way to relieve the pain. Yes, this is not the worst way to do that. But how do you feel in a new role? Is it not better to have sex less often but based on an emotional connection, and not because of the desire to “fuck the pain off”, excuse me for this rude expression. The choice is yours, but it seems to me that the answer is obvious.

She is ready to do anything to make him jealous. You've never made so many selfies with another person. You never posted so many joint photos in social networks. You've never seen someone write about you such laudatory posts on Facebook. She even arranges a live broadcast of your joint views of movies and TV shows ... does this seem strange to you? Of course, this is strange. More precisely, it would be strange if you had a normal relationship. And this is just a way to make her ex jealous. Nothing special. Just one of the signs you're a rebound.

She did not want to part with her partner. This was a shocking surprise for her. This is the main sign that you are trapped under the name of a re-relationship. She is not over her ex at all. Deal with it. Or better clarify the situation and tell her you are not a tool for revenge and say goodbye.

You look at the world differently. Think, what do you have in common? Do you listen to the same music? Do you like the same books? Are your plans for life similar? If the answers to these questions are negative, you should seriously think about your choice of partner. She probably uses you and she does not care about your views on life. Just ask her about that.

As practice shows, such relationships do not lead to anything good. More often than not, they end up with another breakup which makes even more people miserable. But there are exceptions to the rules. If you see that she still feels for you something more than the desire to constantly have sex to make her ex jealous, give her a chance. Perhaps you will have a happy relationship. Your main adviser in this matter is your intuition. Listen to it carefully.