How to Start an Open Relationship with a Girl

23.10.2017

The idea of open relationships gathers supporters among all ages and social statuses. There’s something appealing about it, like the opportunity to cheat on your loved one without scandals, breakups, and resentment. However, such an “innovative approach” to relationships is still not common in modern society. And before convincing your loved one to try an open relationship, it’s better to figure out what’s behind it and what are its pros and cons. What is an open relationship? The 21st-century insight

So, what is an open relationship? Nowadays it’s understood as the possibility for two people to date without any consequences and obligations. In other words, it’s sex for couples who have some sympathy for each other but aren’t ready to go any further for some reason.

What does it mean to be in an “open relationship”?

To begin with, let's see in details what the concept of “open relations” means. If we try to formulate the definition, then we get a relationship without commitment. It means that a man and a woman meet, communicate, spend time together, and have fun. But at the same time, they don’t require anything from each other and don’t expose mutual claims. Thus, it turns out that each partner lives own life, but when he or she has a desire to see or communicate more closely, then by mutual agreement, both sides intersect and enjoy each other’s company.

The main principle is that no one encroaches on the personal freedom of a partner and doesn’t put relationships in the rigid framework of social stereotypes. According to supporters of this kind of communication, this allows people to avoid scenes of jealousy, quarrels, and suffering.

Who relies on open relationships most?

Family people. Here’s a quite typical and understandable situation: a married man craves for another woman, but at the same time his heart still belongs to his beloved wife. So he finds himself a lover, usually among divorced singles.

Players. If a man manages to win the girl’s heart, he has power over her. So he can promise her a stable relationship for as long as he wants, saying something like: “Let no one know about our relationship for now. Soon everything will change.” So a guy gets himself a loving woman, who doesn’t demand anything in return. More precisely, she patiently waits for him to make the next step, but we know that she won’t get anything from him.

Businessmen. Some of you may not know this, but most businessmen have almost no time to build stable relationships. But they want to feel that warmth of love, too. So a busy man is OK with having an open relationship with some girl, dating her from time to time. Yes, he perfectly understands that his work schedule will never allow him to create a family, so he doesn’t expect any commitments from his partner.

Adventurers. Unfortunately, for many men and women, the concept of a family gradually gets upstaged by the modern way of life, and all they need from each other is sex. At the same time, they still have some notions of morality and decency, so they don’t seek sex for one night, but prefer an open relationship.

Soft guys. When the girl looks for sex, she finds it quickly. When the girl looks for some benefits and sex, she ends up in a situation called “I'm confused.” This means that she dates a guy who pays for her but sleeps with someone else. And to make sure that the first guy doesn’t get mad, she explains that the problem is not in her because they have an open relationship.

Difference between open relationships and polyamory

It is not easy to identify differences between these two concepts because it is not so easy to figure out when an open relationship becomes a polyamorous partnership. But we are going to explain you this difference as clear as possible. These hierarchical models are somewhat similar to monogamous love relationships. However, open relationships are characterized by the fact that both partners have one-night sex with others or have constant sex with them but without feeling something towards them. It doesn’t matter whether a regular partner knows about relationships with others or not within the framework of open relationships. It depends on the partners themselves. And in polyamory, partners know all the details and agree with this format. And this is the main difference between polyamory and open relationships.

Types of open relationships

Do you still think that open relationships are impossible? Everything is possible. Such a relationship just often requires much more work and involvement from both partners. And the thing you should know is that open relationships have different types. And here they are:

• Several-partners relationships. It means that more than two partners are involved in a relationship. Accordingly, all the participants have sex being in an open relationship.
• Mixed relationships. In such a relationship, one partner may have a lot of partners and the other – not.
• Beneficial relationships. In this case, people have sex with others as recreational or social activities.

By the way, even married couples go for an open relationship only because it is “modern, fashionable, new”, although they themselves are not very ready for it. Others want to “refresh”, “renew” their marriage in this way. But it should be noted that people who welcome such a marriage are psychologically and sexually immature.

Some major open relationship rules

Analyze the situation. Sometimes, there’s no point in starting an open relationship. Emotional risk can be compared with passing through a shaky bridge across the stone gorge. You’ll need all the toughness of your character if you build an open relationship from scratch and really strong will if you decide to start it at a particular stage of an ordinary relationship.

Get prepared for being jealous because it’s possible even if everything goes perfectly. You can cope with jealousy on your own, share your thoughts with your lover, but you won’t avoid this problem. If it's hard to keep jealousy to yourself, such relationship isn’t for you.

Talk to your lovers. You need to discuss the details with all your partners. It's important, to be honest, so think about what you want and don’t want. What's an open relationship in your opinion? Will there be only sex? Or you want to date others, too? Should your main partner recognize your priority over others?

Set the rules. Both of you need to know what you can and can’t do. You can even write the rules down. But try as hard as possible to make them work.

Think about whom to exclude from the list of potential lovers. Perhaps both of you don’t want to meet colleagues or friends at home, so you should make a list of unwanted persons for an open relationship.

It’s not the best way to refresh the relationship. Many believe that open relationships help return what’s already lost. That’s not true. Instead, they will only worsen the good things between you.

You should feel comfortable. If you’re embarrassed to admit that you’re in an open relationship to potential partners, then you shouldn’t start this whole thing.

Enjoy it. If you see that this kind of relationships suits you, everything will be fine. If you like to communicate with people at different levels, have sex, learn new things, great! If not, you can stop this at any time.

Do open relationships work?

Unfortunately, almost all open relationships lead to disappointment. After all, one of the partners hopes to take the things to a new, more serious level, where there will be a place for both trust and understanding and not just sex and dating. And the second partner is surprised when he or she realizes that his or her lover expects something more than sex. It’s also pretty difficult to deal with situations when one partner tries to build ordinary relationships on the side. For example, your girlfriend said that she fell in love with some guy at work, and she’s moving to his apartment, so you should forget everything that happened between you. It’s like you understand that she has the right to do so, but at the same time, you don’t want to let her go.

Dos and Don'ts of open relationships

What is permissible?

• Respect each other’s freedom. You shouldn’t control your partner and ask questions: “Where have you been?”, “And who were you with?”, “Why didn’t you call for three days?”, etc.
• Be open to surrounding people of different sex. Don’t limit your communication with others: date, smile, be interesting to yourself and others.
• Be independent. These relationships eliminate the dependence of partners from each other. No one proves anything and everyone lives their own lives.
• You can have sex with anyone, but you should preserve love to only your constant partner.
• Control feelings.

What is forbidden?

• Don’t jealous but, at the same time, don’t hide your emotional pain if you can’t exist in such a relationship.
• Don’t forget about contraception. Open relationships should be safe.
• Don’t tell friends and relatives about this. Not everyone is able to understand relationships without commitment.
• Don’t spend too much time with a partner. Plan dates with your partner in advance and don’t spend much time together.

Reasons for entering an open relationship

For some, it is a tribute to fashion, for others – freedom and independence. Opponents of open relationships call it a decline in morality. Although for every previous generation, modern people are always “strange”. But among the positive aspects of an open relationship, there is the presence of a permanent sexual partner who is proven and healthy both physically and morally; the absence of material and moral, that is, any obligations, as well as mutual claims and domestic troubles; each meeting between partners leads in advance to a passion and good night. There are no reasons for scandals and incomprehensible quarrels, which ruin the harmony of relationships in contrast to relationships between married people or people who simply live together. Everyone decides for themselves why they want to enter such a relationship.

Reasons for avoiding an open relationship

Here are also negative sides of such a relationship: for example, no one is insured that their partners will not have one more open relationship at the same time because everyone is relieved of any obligations. Frequently, people, who have deep feelings for their partners, enter into open relationships so that at least somehow to be close to a loved person. They reluctantly agree to these relationships, but they suffer in their souls. Also, open relationships are not long-lasting. Both women and men still want a strong union sooner or later. Then moral values are overestimated and open relationships ruin even despite true romance, attractiveness, and lack of commitment. And one more thing: you will surely come across disapproval from society and close people, so be prepared for attacks or hide your status.

How to start an open relationship with a girl

Defining the pros and cons of being in an open relationship, it’s worth starting with vital questions that will help you make your and your partner’s position towards it clear. In case if your relationship is going through a crisis, then sex without obligations on the side can distract you from scandals, help rethink feelings, and even become a catalyst for igniting a spark of love again. So, how to make an open relationship work?

Set boundaries

It’s necessary to clearly establish such aspects as the boundaries of what’s acceptable and what is not, what goal to achieve, and so on. If you don’t know what you want and have no clue about what can hurt your feelings – you’re not yet ready for an open relationship.

To learn how to have an open relationship, you should also consider the issues of building serious relationships with lovers. For example, determine whether only one-time relationships are allowed, or you can have a permanent partner on the side. Here’s an important question: what to do if your partner meets your lover?

It’s important to decide how often both of you can cheat on each other and how to do it so as not to lose interest in your relationship. Discuss whether you can bring a lover home, or it’s better to meet on neutral territory. Also, you need to point how far the freedom of each of you extends. For some couples, a bit of flirting is enough. Others are looking for intimate relationships.

When you start an open relationship, it’s important to tell the difference between sex, which you can have with anyone you like, and love, which is the basis of your couple. This is quite difficult, and not everyone succeeds. If the spouses manage to reach agreement on all issues, it’s possible for them to build viable open relationships. But it doesn’t happen often, unfortunately.

Think about your partner

How does an open relationship work? Like a sophisticated and sensitive mechanism that can break at any moment because of one detail – a woman. Whatever cynical, experienced, or loving she may be, there’s no guarantee that you won’t see her tears, scandals, or depression. You don’t know when she gets tired of an open relationship and leaves you. In the end, monogamy is stronger than common sense. Besides, your girlfriend can simply change her mind.

Your partner is your priority. When you start an open relationship, you should still be in the first place for each other. And if your loved one needs a helping hand at some point, then you should forget about other lovers and become a shoulder to cry on. Prepare to share. Until you understand that she also can date someone else, you’ll never learn how to start an open relationship.

Now let’s look at the pros and cons of the concept of open relationships.

Jealous in open relationships

If you don’t want to be a jealous person, it is recommended to understand yourself and figure out what causes such an unpleasant suspicion because, in most cases, it all comes down to banal situations that are misinterpreted. Open relationships are called so because everyone has the right to do what they want. If you are jealous, change the status of a relationship. Personal time is necessary for everyone, so learn to trust. To stop being jealous, believe in yourself. Calm down and take care of your family problems so that there are no thoughts left on your lover.

Advantages of open relationships

• It’s an easy relationship when no one owes anything to anyone. That’s why it can be stopped painlessly at any time. Maybe this is why it’s the most strong and long-lasting.
• It’s a relationship, in which you don’t need to prove anything to your partner every day, and you don’t need to set some time frames, like, “I probably should propose to her in two years.”
• It’s a relationship that makes both partners independent from each other. And if there’s no dependence, there is no jealousy, pain, and betrayal either.
• Fruit often tastes sweeter when it's forbidden. Maybe after you break all the taboos, your partner won’t want to look for a lover.
• Open relationships can revive a marriage, make it more interesting, and even save it from complete destruction. Many couples come to the conclusion that cheating is much harmless than the collapse of long and serious relationships, built not only on sex but also on spiritual bonds. Open relationships bring something new – a surge of adrenaline, a taste for an adventure. Marriage based on such principles will never fall apart due to boredom, routine, and monotony.

Disadvantages of open relations

• In an open relationship, love and sex are separated. Partners understand that they can have sex with anyone, but they have only one person to love. Cheating is perceived as a secondary phenomenon, like something that happens to everyone.
• Even despite the broad views of modern society, a lot of people look at open relationships negatively and consider them immoral. Therefore, having decided to start an open relationship, be ready for friends, parents, and neighbors judging you.
• This kind of a relationship is perfect only for those who aren’t going to start a family and have kids in the near future. Besides, it’s hard to figure out how to ask for an open relationship.

What if you fall in love with someone else?

Fortunately or unfortunately, open relationship lasts until one of the partners doesn’t cease to bring pleasure. But it often happens that one of the partners may fall in love with someone else. It is not only hard to let a loved person go, but it’s also not easy to be content with such a relationship. Here, personal tragedy and a broken heart can’t be avoided. Remember that it is absolutely normal to fall in love with someone else despite the fact that you are in a serious relationship, so what to say about the open one. You will always feel something towards other people. If you have a couple, it can’t make you emotionless. Even if you are sure that you have found your soulmate, you will still feel something towards other people. Love is a part of being human. It has nothing to do with our relationships.

How to make open relationships successful

The absence of restrictions and encroachments, the violation of certain moral principles – all this is characteristic of open relationships. If two people have nothing against this method, then why not? Although a few recommendations will help prevent a number of negative consequences of such a relationship:

• Conduct conversations directly. Express expectations and thoughts about a partner personally;
• Tell the truth, be honest, not only with your chosen one but, first of all, with yourself;
• Don’t dig deep if a partner doesn’t want to tell you something – keep a comfortable “distance” in a relationship;
• Keep the balance: give as much as you take, and take as much as you give.

In conclusion

Each open relationship has its own laws, but they’re built on respect. So respecting the freedom of your partner, you must remember that you love her and that your goal is not to just get other girls into bed. Harmony is your task. That’s why you need to take this decision together, having weighed all the advantages and disadvantages.

It’s up to you to decide if you need an open relationship. One thing is important: you need to protect your personal comfort and, of course, yourself. You can’t go against your views and principles: this will only make it worse. Such a relationship is suitable for those who aren’t ready for marriage. Although marriage also excludes complete control over the individual, you still can do what you want (go to bachelor parties, spend a vacation alone, and go hang out with friends). The choice is always yours. The main thing is to do everything wisely and discuss this with your loved one.