Who Should Make the First Move?


For centuries, the one who professes his feelings and initiates a relationship has been the man. It was his privilege, and the woman couldn’t encroach on it. Many things have changed over time. The changes occurred not only in the field of technology and science but in the realm of interpersonal relationships. Today, gender stereotypes are gradually fading, but still, their influence on the behavior of men and women is tangible. Women are more liberated these days, and many of them initiate an acquaintance or a relationship. And men seem to like it. The question follows: Does it really matter who will be the first if the outcome is positive?

should i make the first move

Why do guys have to make the first move? Debunking cultural stereotypes

How many men would like the answer to the question “Should I make the first move?” be: “No, she is supposed to that, so just go with the flow!” Men might not notice it, but women always make the first move. They do it in a subtle and covert way so that the man thinks that it’s actually he who approaches the woman. Although it’s the 21st century, men are still encouraged to make the first move. The history and literature know a lot of examples when a woman was the initiator of a relationship. Those women were brave, indeed. Still, even today, women expect men to be the first to chat up. This tradition is very old, and it’s still deeply ingrained in our consciousness.

It’s actually a bit surprising. Why do men and women think about this? Men have been doing it for ages. What is wrong now? The thing is that the world is changing and people have become more emancipated. The line between the genders is quite blurred today. Men and women are equal today, in the civilized societies, of course.

Should the guy make the first move? Most women think so. Men are better at handling rejection. Additionally, they are more experienced in showing the initiative. It’s their nature. However, it’s a very controversial matter. There are both supporters and opponents of female initiative among the representatives of each gender. Some like when a woman makes the first step, while for some it’s totally unacceptable.

Why men like it

It takes away pressure. Before a man comes up to a woman and starts a conversation, he overcomes a number of obstacles in his head. He gets rid of his doubts, gathers his courage, and makes that first move. So, when a woman does all those things instead of him, it’s a great relief.

It’s a dream of every shy guy. All shy men would like to shift the burden of making the first move to a woman. Moreover, they like confident women who like to call the shots. Confidence makes sexy both men and women. It shows that a woman is brave. Even though men want to be the leaders, they are attracted to strong women who know what they want. It turns men on.

Why men don’t like women’s initiative

It’s quite unfeminine. Men like when women show the initiative when it comes to sex. This is what happens very often. Men choose to wait until a woman expresses her desire, either verbally or non-verbally, to get horizontal. But in terms of approaching, asking out, and choosing a restaurant, they are more traditional – they want to do those things themselves. The instinct of winning a woman’s heart is insurmountable.

how to make the first move as a guyIt’s the encroachment on his male nature. Guys like to feel their superiority, and they like the process of ‘hunting a prey’. If the ‘prey’ quickly gives up, she becomes uninteresting for the hunter. The man wants to do everything himself to realize his masculinity. The most frustrating thing is when he is ready to take the lead, and the woman forestalls him.

The man has traditional views on the man-woman relationship. He is not into the idea of uncontrollable feminism. He is old-fashioned in terms of courtship and dating. For him, a woman initiating a relationship is something unnatural. It shouldn’t be that way in his opinion.

No one has abolished the unwritten law that women are instantly attracted to those men who has the guts to approach them and ask them out. Women like when guys make the first move. Although many women feel free to initiate a talk or ask a man out, it usually takes a lot of courage, and deep down they will always remember that and feel superior. At the same time, who will care which one was the first to approach or offer to start dating if the relationship is perfect or these two people are already married?

Now that you know that men are expected to show the initiative, it’s time to find out how to make the first move as a guy. Look for an extensive instruction in the next part of the article, and now check out the ways how to incite a girl to approach you.

1) Improve your image. The first thing we notice about other people is their appearance. And that very factor will either attract or repel us. All of us are a bit superficial when it comes to approaching the opposite sex. Of course, after the initial talk, you’ll get to know your crush and understand whether you’re interested in this person. Since appearance serves as a bait, you can encourage a woman to approach you by improving the way you look. For this, watch how you dress. You should have your style. Two aspects are the most important: your neat haircut (and beard) and clean outfit. Don’t forget about the power of perfume that can make a woman come up to you and ask what perfume you use, and so the conversation gets started. Don’t deprive her of that excuse.

2) Use your body language. Women like to communicate non-verbally. They hope that a man will get their signals and comes up first. You can also take advantage of a body language and seduce a woman standing in the right position and making the right moves. Women are very good at reading body language signs, so your task is just to learn and use them. Although our non-verbal signs are subconscious and uncontrollable, you can send them consciously. You should make your body speak for you, “You can approach me. I’m a good guy”. How to do that? First, you need to relax or at least look relaxed. When your muscles are tense, you sit or stand in an unnatural position, and your moves are sharp and clumsy, you look reserved or nervous, which is not attractive. Second, you need to send the signal about your openness to communication. Smile if you know she’s looking at you. If you catch her glance, don’t look away but try to maintain an eye contact. This will give her a clue that you don’t mind her approaching you.

3) Give a sign to action. If you at the bar or café, and you exchange glances for the whole evening, one of you will finally approach the other. You can come up to her and say something like, “It seems you want to say something to me” to start a dialog. You also can make her approach you by winking at her or raising your glass next time you catch her gaze.

4) Be alone. A woman will have enough courage to chat you up if you’re not in the company of friends, especially female ones. So, if you’re not alone at the bar, leave your group to give her a chance.

5) Take the initiative. Don’t you think she’ll do everything herself? Appreciate her move, but then take the lead: keep the ball rolling, flirt, ask her phone number, ask her out.

Should Women Make the First Move?

We live in the 21st century when everything is possible. Women don’t think: I’m a woman and I can’t approach a man. Many women choose to grasp the opportunity and be the architects of their happiness. There are many situations in this life when you have to make a quick decision on the spot. So, why don’t you set aside all fears and approach the man you like? A lot of girls think this way. Can a girl make the first move? Yes, she can if she wants to. The same as men, women are afraid of being rejected. Another fear is to approach the wrong guy. That’s why only the bravest of them decide to take the initiative.

Do guys like it when girls make the first move? This question was answered earlier in the article. Now, let’s dive into such topic as how to make the first move as a girl. The following tips will work both for women and men.

can a girl make the first moveMake acquaintance with people online

Today, you can meet potential dates on the Internet. Social media and dating sites provide a huge pool of potential partners. Approaching people online has a lot of advantages.

First of all, it’s stress-free and rejection is not very painful. Secondly, you have time to come up with a good pickup line, as well as the best responses to your interlocutor’s questions. Thirdly, you can see a person’s profile and understand how much you have in common.

There are certain rules you need to follow if you want to approach people online successfully.

Just make the first move. Send a message and don’t be afraid of his/her possible reaction, don’t be afraid that he/she may not like you. The worst thing that can happen is that he/she will ignore your message. Just assume rejection.

Start simple. Greet your crush, write what made you contact him/her – something that got you interested, and wish him/her to have a nice day.

Don’t write banal things. Trite compliments on his/her beautiful eyes and smile will have zero effect. Don’t ask the same you were just asked. Try to elicit their interests, what they are passionate about.

Ask questions. Men like to talk about themselves. So do women. That’s why ask your interlocutor different questions and be an attentive listener or reader. Give your feedback.

Don’t be obtrusive. Your interlocutor may think you’re a weirdo or just desperate if flood him/her with messages. Keep chatting until you feel your interlocutor gets bored. End your chat in time.

Make pauses in between chats. This will let the two of you take rest from each other. Also, it gives your online date an opportunity to take the initiative after a pause and write first and prove that they are really interested in communication with you.

Don’t postpone your real meeting. After several days of active chatting, agree to go out on a real date. No need to be nervous – you’re already acquaintances.

Approach people offline

You saw an attractive man at the bar. What you should do is to smile at him. This is how you give him a signal to approach. If he didn’t get it, don’t be afraid to come up to him and start a chat. According to numerous surveys, 91% of men admit they would like to be asked out by a woman.

Use the Franklin effect

Ask for help or favor to make the person like. This method is often used by politicians and businessmen, but it’s also useful if you want to get some man interested in you, especially the man you know for a long time. How does a girl make the first move? She can ask him to lend her the book he read recently or ask about something he is good at. The main thing is not to be afraid of showing your interest in the person you like. Interest breeds attraction and affection.

Final Thoughts

In the long run, it doesn’t really matter who approached whom. The point is how two people work on their relationship. If a woman can’t boast of a sweet story how she was conquered by her man, it doesn’t make her less happy in a healthy and harmonious relationship both she and her partner have built.

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