10 Signs a Relationship is Getting Serious and What to Do Next

16.06.2020

How do you know if your partner is serious about you? When does a relationship become serious? What are the signs she wants a serious relationship with you? The psychology of relationships is complicated because analyzing another person is like composing a map of a vast dark forest. Despite this, psychologists have identified 10 clear signs that your relationship is serious at 100 percent. Ideally, all 10 conditions should be met, but in reality, this is by no means necessary.

Let’s start off by listing signs a casual relationship is getting serious, figure out, "When is a relationship serious?" and then move on to other issues.

Signs of a Serious Relationship

A serious relationship between a man and a woman is a communication that has a combination of the following ten distinctive features.

1. Here’s the first of signs of serious dating. A man and a woman declared to each other that they love each other (while they are sober and serious), want to always be together and seriously consider their partner as a permanent companion for the creation of a family, to give birth to joint children, but they also name (at least approximately) specific dates when a marriage can be conducted; plan a pregnancy (even after years of a relationship). Of course, if this happens after a first date, then there can be no seriousness in sight. Such an affair is unlikely to turn into a serious relationship that will succeed.
2.  Here’s the second of signs you're in a relationship that is getting serious. A man and a woman either live together, or seek to create the conditions for this, or eliminate what legally or physically prevents it (if there is no money to rent or purchase housing, they save together, seek to increase income, exchange or sell their parents housing, etc.).
3.  A man and a woman have regular intimate relationships. And they do not just exclude other sexual partners (even online, via the Internet or correspondence), but also eliminate all the reasons for a partner’s jealousy, including flirting with strangers and spending leisure time separately, show self-restraint on free contacts and communication with representatives of the opposite sex.
4.  What makes a relationship serious? A man and a woman do not hide the presence of each other from their relatives and friends, introduce them to this circle, clearly indicating the status of their partner at a high level, as “honey” - “my partner” - “my spouse” and etc.
5.  A man and a woman create for each other a regime of complete transparency of their life. They provide reliable information about themselves; honestly inform about the schedule of their life, work, and leisure; the level of income and expenses, social circle, are in touch all the time, etc.
6.  A man and a woman strive to create psychologically comfortable conditions for their relationship partner. They take into account their opinion and wishes, and show tolerance for well-deserved criticism; eliminate the conditions for conflict, restrain themselves in quarrels, take the initiative for reconciliation; try to improve their behavior and character, abandon evil inclinations and addictions.
7.  A man and a woman mutually strive to take care of each other. They are ready to spend significant amounts of their time and money (gifts, investments in treatment, career, business, etc.) for the sake of a partner.
8.  A man and a woman create goals that are common to both of them, begin to strive to achieve them.
9. Here’s one of the signs a relationship is getting serious. A man and a woman strive to create a common budget, food, leisure, joint financial, career, educational, domestic (etc.) planning.
10.  And this is the last of signs of a serious relationship. Even without a registered marriage, a man and a woman are ready to acquire joint property, that is, legally registered for both partners or another partner; ready for the recognition of their paternity-motherhood at birth or adoption of children. If you don’t have a person to build a strong relationship with, then use online dating services you can find on the Internet, there are thousands to choose, but only a few of them are great.

Serious Relationship Meaning

Now let’s talk about the serious relationship meaning.

As you can see, it is a serious thing to describe a serious relationship and a list of requirements. That is, it is not necessary to think that words of love, statements that “we will get married and give birth to children” and cohabitation are clear signs of a serious relationship. How many couples have collapsed in the world because of this, as it seemed to many men and women on the "serious stage" of relationships? Millions of couples were broken because of this. Therefore, I want to emphasize this once again: the seriousness of the relationship is evaluated only by the totality of all these ten signs! All ten! Only the totality of all these ten signs is for me a sign of the presence of a serious relationship. If a couple has only three, five, seven, or even nine of these signs, for me it will not be a serious relationship, but only a sign of a deliberate movement of partners to a serious relationship, or a sign of deception of one partner to another. When, in the presence of many signs, someone considers themselves entitled to change, flirt, withhold income and expenses, not want to live together or have children together, etc.

For me, as a family psychologist, a serious relationship is not just a movement of a man and a woman towards creating a family, marriage, and childbearing, but also such a movement that creates for it all precisely, solid, fundamental foundations. You must admit: saying “I love,” starting to live together, register a marriage, give birth to a common child is not so difficult!

Do People Nowadays Don’t Take Relationships Seriously?

It is much more difficult to honestly and clearly work out all the remaining items from the above ten for years. In fact, from my point of view, there are so many divorces.

A huge number of modern men and women create families and register marriages, without creating a serious relationship, jumping over their "head" and an important stage of communication.

This may seem like a paradox, but if you think about my words properly, you are likely to agree with me. Hence, just as a cart cannot move ahead of a horse, such marriages that arose under the conditions of frivolous relations between their participants both to each other and to the very essence of the relationship between a man and a woman are doomed to crises and destruction.

Therefore, I say, as a practitioner and family psychologist: The achievement of a serious relationship between a man and a woman before marriage is a 70% guarantee of their future family happiness. Another 30% is to ensure that the couple did not lose everything achieved over the years of marriage.

If a man and woman have created a marriage, bypassing the stage of a really serious relationship, their strength is only 30%. If they are already in the process of marriage, they will be able to score all ten points I have listed, their chances of a long happy family history increase. If they do not recruit them, and even more so - they begin to lose, tragic trials will be waiting for them (and most importantly - their children).

In general, you understand me: a serious relationship between a man and a woman is a process of their joint work not just on creating a family in the near foreseeable future, but on ensuring that this family is comfortable and strong, has a huge margin of safety and longevity. And in conclusion, I emphasize once again: this work should not be a secret, a silence from each other, you can talk about it aloud three times, discuss and argue, grind and adapt.

Serious Dating vs Casual Dating: Main Differences

When we talk about the differences between serious and casual dating, we have to look at concepts like love and sex, affection, and serious intentions. There’s a relationship that is based on sex and dating, and the other relationship that is based on love and support, but where’s the difference?

Love is one of the most beautiful human feelings inherent in people on our planet. Every person wants to know this feeling, even if they claim that it does not exist. A person in love is capable of doing a thousand impulsive acts and is ready to simply give their soul for the sake of their loved one.

However, recently there has been a substitution of many concepts in this world. And many people began to confuse this beautiful feeling with bordering third-party sensations. For example, many began to confuse love and sex, mistakenly thinking that this is the same.

There is an opinion that men want sex, and women want love. But if you think about it, this is not entirely true. It is difficult to reason on this topic objectively because everyone perceives this whole whirlwind of feelings and emotions in their own way. Each person has their own ideas about the magnificent feeling called "love."

The feeling of love and sexual contact are pleasant feelings that cause similar emotions in people: the level of serotonin in the body rises, the mood improves, the person feels pleasure and a sense of happiness.

So what is the difference between sex and love if both give us pleasure? The answer is definitely simple: it's all about the motives that drive people. When a person truly loves, they give everything they have to their partner and surrender themselves completely. In such cases, people do not use the term “sex,” but call it “making love.” If a person is driven by the usual satisfaction of their biological needs and lust, then such an individual is capable of sex without obligation, without certain feelings and “butterflies” in their stomach.

There is an opinion that sex and love for men are identical concepts. This is partly true but not for all men. The fact is that many males simply do not like to show their romantic feelings externally. They do not flaunt their love but believe that it is necessary to show it in bed. They are distinguished from ordinary hunters by the fact that, while being with their beloved partner, in intimate proximity, they do their best to bring pleasure to their partner. Satisfying their beloved woman for such men is the most important task.

Many people think that in the modern world, the maximum that a person needs is simple sex, which will help relax and forget about problems. Indeed, this means the absence of obligations - screaming children, tearful wives, promises, and courtship ... But is this not what distinguishes us, humans, from randomly mating animals?

If you are still on the side of sex without obligation, then you should warn your partner about this in advance so that they do not build castles in the sky about further relationships. Do not break your heart and loosen your soul, inner peace, and tranquility for fun. Remember, everything returns back like a boomerang - both good deeds and bad ones.

The difference between sex and love is that love is not only about sex. These are the first dates and kisses on the last row of the cinema, joint trips and mutual understanding, a feeling of each other, warmth, and care. These are unforgettable moments that make a person happy.

Naturally, do not underestimate the importance of sex in a relationship. But exaggeration is superfluous. The apotheosis of the love of two people is their merging and reaching the highest point of enjoyment, both on the spiritual and physical levels.

How to Transition from Casual to Serious Dating

Due to the general trend in favor of an increase in civil marriages, the number of relations without obligations began to grow after them only for the sake of sex. No need to go to a fortuneteller to understand that our intentions may not coincide with the intentions of our partner.

The only important condition for the creation of a serious relationship is the presence of really deep feelings for your partner, which can be called love. If you do not have this, then you just want to use a person for your own selfish goals. I definitely do not recommend this. Now that you have, so to speak, been warned about contraindications – here are the recommendations on how to transfer relationships from casual to serious ones.

Method number 1

Have an honest and sincere conversation, and tell about your feelings, desires, intentions to the partner, as they are. Thus, you share the responsibility with them because it is not worth deciding something for them (even if it seems to you that deep down they want the same as you). It’s also not worthwhile to build your behavior based on the belief that you are nothing to your partner. In general, do not decide for them - give them food for thought and choice.

Method number 2

I sincerely wish you that method number 1 completely removed your puzzle in a relationship. If this did not happen (and only after the first method failed), we can proceed to method No. 2. It consists of trying to understand the reasons why a partner refuses a serious relationship with you.

In order to find out, it is not at all necessary to push your partner against the wall and conduct interrogation with addiction. Often, it is enough to simply recall what they told you when they agreed on an intimate relationship without obligation. It is enough to pick up the logical arguments that parse the argument (and they certainly are) and replace the partner’s irrational beliefs about relationships with rational ones. Yes, it is difficult, but if there is motivation, then a lot is in the zone of accessibility.

Well, if you don’t want to translate relations into serious ones, then, first of all, you should deal with your own desires and life choices that they determine. Unfortunately, there are very few people who are confident in choosing their chosen one. Often, clients admit that they do not really want to continue the relationship.

But let's not talk about sad things because we still have method number 3.

Change for the sake of becoming a dream man/woman for the person you love. This method is difficult to explain because, on the one hand, you need to be able to maintain love and self-acceptance as you are, and on the other hand, to master new behaviors to please your beloved partner. Perhaps you should not even try this method if you have deep emotional scars that make it difficult to value yourself. It’s greener (safer) to remove the misery that spoils your life. Believe me, with the help of a psychologist it is real and not as long as you may be afraid.

Without meeting the partner’s unconscious and conscious expectations of a man/woman, it is difficult to give any guarantees about the prospects of your relationship. So, once again - you will need to become such a man/woman, which this person needs. And only then you will be able to position them in such a way that they become attached to you, and they want to consolidate the agreements on love and loyalty to each other.

And let me give you a couple of phrases, already without regarding how to transfer the train of your relationship to other tracks. Do you know what is natural in such life situations?

If everything is left to chance, then in time, a partner will want less and less sex with you. The same goes for love - if there is one, then there are good chances that it will remain for a long time between two loving individuals, and if not, then soon intimacy as such will be of no interest to anyone in such a couple. Relations can develop into some kind of mutually damaging relationship when both would be happy to leave, but they do not understand why they cannot do this (and this is a love affair). And they can simply become obsolete with time.

Remember that it is not necessary to follow all of the 10 signs above. The fact is that circumstances can be stronger than us, so we are not able to give all our free time to our loved one. Most of these signs, on the other hand, are error-free, so be careful about them.