ADHD and Romantic Relationships: How to Make It Work

13.04.2020

A few important things you should remember about a person with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder to build relationships with the emotional roller coaster that your partner is. Today we will talk about ADHD symptoms in adult relationships and how to maintain relationships with ADHD.

What Is ADHD?

It is well known that loving a person with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is very difficult. You never know what to say. This is like a minefield advance. You must constantly ensure that an act or word will not cause another explosion of emotions.

Such people suffer more because their life is more complicated. They exaggerate everything. Their brilliant minds never rest because they are in a constant search for solutions, in the creation and design of something new. Just imagine what it feels like to live in a carousel that never stops.

ADHD is a striking combination of contradictions and extremes. Emotional outbursts and categorical extremes are separated by just one step. This often becomes the main problem in a relationship. For example, when it is necessary to concentrate, such people simply cannot do this, because their thoughts "fly away" in a completely different direction or they are overwhelmed with emotionality. On the other hand, when they are passionate about something really interesting for them, it will take a lot of effort to get them out of this zone. It is not easy to captivate such a person with something, but it is much more difficult to stop them if they are already carried away by something.

True strong love is unconditional, but people with attention deficit disorder will always check the limits of your love for them. Such a person will check every relationship. The only way to preserve peace in a relationship is to study all the characteristics of people with ADHD. This will allow you to build relationships with the emotional roller coaster that your partner is.

If you feel like a relationship with a person that has ADHD is not for you – then you should move on and not waste your time on someone that doesn’t make you happy. You can meet single ladies on the Internet and start a new relationship from the comfort of your home.

How Does ADHD Manifest Itself in Romantic Relationships?

If you understand how your loved one feels, you can become more tolerant, patient, compassionate, and your love will become calmer and more peaceful. Here is what you should remember about a person with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

1. They find it difficult to concentrate on the task

How does ADHD affect relationships? Instead of focusing on their work, they can see the flowers in a picture opposite. It resembles a maze. They begin to move in one direction, but after a few moments change it, trying to find other ways.

2. They easily experience anxiety

As thinkers, they are quite sensitive to everything that happens to them. Being in a noisy restaurant with such a person, you are like going to a concert by Metallica. Disappointing news can even be a disaster for them, comparable only to the apocalypse.

3. They cannot concentrate when emotions overwhelm them

Here’s yet another thing about adult ADHD and relationships. If they are overwhelmed with emotions or are alarmed by something, they are no longer able to think about anything else. Because of this, they have an extremely low working capacity, it is often difficult for them to find a common language with others.

4. They find it difficult to shift their attention when they are plunged headfirst into an interesting job for them

They can remain at great depths of ocean gorges for several hours. Enjoying the process, they will remain in deep water until the air runs out, and they are forced to float to the surface.

5. They cannot control their emotions

Their emotions almost always turn into a flight spread, they are disproportionate and unrestrained. Their ingenious brain can produce only hard-working thoughts and feelings. They need extra time to do a certain job with a decent result.

6. They are characterized by verbal attacks

Their emotions are hard to control. They are characterized by an impulsive statement of everything that they think. That is why such people very often regret what was said. It is a real problem for them to stop the flow of words. They will not stop until they say everything.

7. They have an extraordinary intuition

This is perhaps the most positive quality of people with ADHD. They can see things that go beyond the scope of an object or situation. That is why most often, they are really creative geniuses - inventors, artists, musicians or writers.

8. They are good at thinking

This is another positive feature. They think differently. Their abstract minds see solutions to problems in what thinkers would not pay attention to.

9. Impatience, constant impatience

They quickly get annoyed over trifles, they want everything to happen immediately, they constantly play on the phone, wind their hair, continuously fingering it. A person with ADHD needs constant movement. It calms them.

10. They have a high physical sensitivity

An ordinary pencil in their hand seems to them too heavy. Fiber tissue causes unpleasant itching. The bed has a hilly surface for them. Food is also not always to their taste. Like a princess on a pea, such a person gropes for a tubercle even under twenty mattresses.

11. No organizational skills

The accumulation of cases, things, problems is their favorite method of organization. After completing the task, all documents are randomly stacked and remain in this form until they turn into a high mountain. This depresses them, they are upset and begin to nervously put everything in place. It is very difficult for them to keep order because their brain is also not used to coordinated work.

Now let’s talk about ways you can help your partner in ADHD relationships dating

Relationships with ADHD: How to Help Your Partner

The diversity and fuzziness of the differential signs of ADHD significantly complicate the diagnosis of this syndrome. Often people do not realize that what they consider to be overwork or temporary difficulties is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

If you suspect the presence of this syndrome, immediately consult a specialist. Self-medication, even in your opinion, harmless folk methods can only worsen the condition.

Some methods can be used after consultation with a doctor, as a normalizing agent:

• compliance with the regime of the day, adequate sleep;
• physical activity: exercises, fitness, dancing and the like;
• walks in the open air;
• proper nutrition. It is possible to compare a personal menu with a dietitian except for products that contribute to the excitation of the nervous system.
• relaxation: meditation, yoga, or any of the forms you choose;
• psychotherapy: individual methods selected by a specialist of psychological impact, the main task of which is to reduce the overall level of influence of stressful situations and ways to deal with it.
• drug treatment: a complex of medicines, mainly psychostimulants and nootropic means of stimulating brain activity.

Very often, ADHD is not considered a serious syndrome. It is even perceived by society as laziness. And it may seem that treatment is not necessary. Subsequently, such a negligent attitude can cause irreversible processes, which will hardly undergo a correction. It is important to notice psychological changes in time to prevent this because the earlier the problem is diagnosed, the more effective the treatment will be.

Advice to Accept Your Partner with ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is characterized by difficulty with attention, impulsive behavior, forgetfulness, and problems with concentration. If your partner is diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, it can be difficult to communicate with them, but you can cope with difficulties if you know how the disease manifests itself and what the ways to deal with it are.

Determine if your partner has problems with attention.

Here’s the first thing you should know about ADHD in relationships. A diagnosis is made if there are at least five (for an adult) or six (for an adolescent under 16 years of age) symptoms that occur under different circumstances for at least six months. Symptoms should not correspond to the level of human development and should be intense enough to be considered as a factor that interferes with work, study, and communication with people. The following symptoms are considered symptoms of ADHD: a person makes stupid mistakes and is inattentive to the little things. It is difficult for a person to complete tasks or play (difficulties with attention). A person does not listen when they are talking to them. A person does not perform homework, housework, work tasks; quickly come to a standstill. A person has difficulty organizing. A person avoids tasks requiring constant attention (for example, homework). A person cannot find or often loses keys, glasses, papers, tools, and more. A person is easily distracted. The person is forgetful.

Determine if your partner has symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsivity in ADHD

The disease can manifest itself in hyperactivity and impulsivity. Some symptoms should cause significant discomfort to others to be considered sufficient for diagnosis. Please note if your partner has at least five (for an adult) or six (for adolescents under 16) symptoms that occur in different conditions for at least six months: A person picks objects, knocks with their hands or feet. A person feels anxiety. It is difficult for a person to play quietly and do things that require silence. A person is always in motion as if they have a motor inside their head. The person speaks too much. A person blurts out phrases before a question has been asked. A person cannot wait for their turn. A person interrupts others, wedges into other people's conversations or games.

Determine if your partner’s form of the disorder is mixed

If your partner has 5 (for adults) or 6 (for adolescents under 16) symptoms of the ADHD categories associated with either inattention or hyperactivity and impulsivity, in their case the disease can be mixed.

Invite a partner to see a doctor

When you determine the type and degree of the disease, invite the partner to see a psychiatrist so that the doctor can make a diagnosis. The doctor will also be able to determine if the symptoms are related to another mental disorder.

Invite the partner to speak with a psychiatrist or psychologist about other disorders

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a difficult disease, but every fifth patient also has other serious disorders (ADHD often accompanies depression and bipolar disorder). A third of children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder also have behavioral abnormalities (conductive disorder, opposition-causing disorder). ADHD is often found in combination with learning difficulties and anxiety.

Ask the partner how they feel about their frustration

People who have not experienced this disease often do not understand what people with ADHD experience. One patient describes their condition as attempts to build a house of cards during a sandstorm. Allow your partner to tell you how they feel. If you know what they have to worry about, it will be easier for you to support them. People also describe their condition as follows, "My brain needs a shutdown button." "Imagine that you’ve been crawling on your knees all your life when everyone walked around. You understand that you are different from them, and you know that you should walk like everyone else, but you cannot keep your feet as firmly as you all fours." “It seems to me that something constantly itches in my head. This sound is there all the time, and I don’t understand it.” "Everyone thinks I'm doing stupid things on purpose. Sometimes it seems to me that I'm stupid."

Separate a person from their symptoms

Your partner is an important part of your life, and they deserve special treatment. Their behavior may annoy you at times, but you should not evaluate it and your relationship by symptoms. If a partner manages to work on their disorder, the effects of the disease on both of you will decrease. Remember what attracted you to them at the very beginning of the relationship.

Become a partner for a person who can protect them from frightening situations

What should you know about ADHD in adults and relationships? A crowded place with music and a buzz of voices, a mixture of odors of air fresheners, flowers, food and perfumes, special lighting effects on a TV or a computer screen can cause a person with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. To avoid problems, you can guide your partner. As you learn to recognize the mood of your partner, you can see when they need to step aside, calm down and recover.

Ask a partner to talk to a therapist

How can you combine ADHD and relationships? Psychotherapy is usually useful for ADHD. During psychotherapy sessions, the patient learns to accept themselves and look for ways to solve problems. Cognitive-behavioral therapy aimed at working with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is often effective. It allows you to delve into the main problems caused by the disease (for example, inability to manage your time and inability to self-organize).

Do not patronize your partner

What shouldn’t you do in ADHD relationships? One of the biggest problems in dealing with someone who has ADHD is the partner’s tendency to do everything for that person. Since it is difficult for a person to keep track of time and their affairs and constantly focus on the important, the partner may decide that it will be easier to do everything for them. However, this often leads to outrage and stress.

How to combine ADHD and romantic relationships? Speak using the pronoun "I." Tell your partner about your feelings so that the responsibility for your reaction lies with you. So you will not blame your partner. For example, say this, “It seems to me that I can’t cope with everything. Could you take the car for repair?” Do not scold your partner. It is better to strive to communicate positively and with optimism. Remember that your partner is struggling with a difficult disorder and trying to overcome obstacles. Separate routine matters among you, taking into account the strengths of each. To prevent irritation, everyone should do what they do best. Let the partner take on what they do. For example, you can pay bills and go to the grocery store, and they can wash clothes.

Do not take everything to heart

Your partner may experience emotional outbursts, there may be impulsiveness and forgetfulness. Because of this, it may seem to you that you are not loved, appreciated, and taken for granted. But the partner is not really trying to achieve this effect. Due to a mental disorder, it is difficult for them to control their behavior. They can learn to live with them, but you need to learn not to take everything at your own expense. Remember that attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a real disease that affects a person’s behavior.

If you think you are giving up, remind yourself to be patient with yourself and with your partner. Express your feelings, not hide them.