How to Start an Open Relationship with a Girl


The idea of open relationships gathers supporters among all ages and social statuses. There’s something appealing about it, like the opportunity to cheat on your loved one without scandals, breakups, and resentment. However, such an “innovative approach” to relationships is still not common in modern society. And before convincing your loved one to try an open relationship, it’s better to figure out what’s behind it and what are its pros and cons. What is an open relationship? The 21st-century insight

So, what is an open relationship? Nowadays it’s understood as the possibility for two people to date without any consequences and obligations. In other words, it’s sex for couples who have some sympathy for each other but aren’t ready to go any further for some reason.

what is an open relationship

Who relies on open relationships most?

Family people. Here’s a quite typical and understandable situation: a married man craves for another woman, but at the same time his heart still belongs to his beloved wife. So he finds himself a lover, usually among divorced singles.

Players. If a man manages to win the girl’s heart, he has power over her. So he can promise her a stable relationship for as long as he wants, saying something like: “Let no one know about our relationship for now. Soon everything will change.” So a guy gets himself a loving woman, who doesn’t demand anything in return. More precisely, she patiently waits for him to make the next step, but we know that she won’t get anything from him.

Businessmen. Some of you may not know this, but most businessmen have almost no time to build stable relationships. But they want to feel that warmth of love, too. So a busy man is OK with having an open relationship with some girl, dating her from time to time. Yes, he perfectly understands that his work schedule will never allow him to create a family, so he doesn’t expect any commitments from his partner.

Adventurers. Unfortunately, for many men and women, the concept of a family gradually gets upstaged by the modern way of life, and all they need from each other is sex. At the same time, they still have some notions of morality and decency, so they don’t seek sex for one night, but prefer an open relationship.

Soft guys. When the girl looks for sex, she finds it quickly. When the girl looks for some benefits and sex, she ends up in a situation called “I'm confused.” This means that she dates a guy who pays for her but sleeps with someone else. And to make sure that the first guy doesn’t get mad, she explains that the problem is not in her because they have an open relationship.

Some major open relationship rules

Analyze the situation. Sometimes, there’s no point in starting an open relationship. Emotional risk can be compared with passing through a shaky bridge across the stone gorge. what's an open relationshipYou’ll need all the toughness of your character if you build an open relationship from scratch and really strong will if you decide to start it at a particular stage of an ordinary relationship.

Get prepared for being jealous because it’s possible even if everything goes perfectly. You can cope with jealousy on your own, share your thoughts with your lover, but you won’t avoid this problem. If it's hard to keep jealousy to yourself, such relationship isn’t for you.

Talk to your lovers. You need to discuss the details with all your partners. It's important, to be honest, so think about what you want and don’t want. What's an open relationship in your opinion? Will there be only sex? Or you want to date others, too? Should your main partner recognize your priority over others?

Set the rules. Both of you need to know what you can and can’t do. You can even write the rules down. But try as hard as possible to make them work.

Think about whom to exclude from the list of potential lovers. Perhaps both of you don’t want to meet colleagues or friends at home, so you should make a list of unwanted persons for an open relationship.

It’s not the best way to refresh the relationship. Many believe that open relationships help return what’s already lost. That’s not true. Instead, they will only worsen the good things between you.

You should feel comfortable. If you’re embarrassed to admit that you’re in an open relationship to potential partners, then you shouldn’t start this whole thing.

Enjoy it. If you see that this kind of relationships suits you, everything will be fine. If you like to communicate with people at different levels, have sex, learn new things, great! If not, you can stop this at any time.

Do open relationships work?

Unfortunately, almost all open relationships lead to disappointment. After all, one of the partners hopes to take the things to a new, more serious level, where there will be a place for both trust and understanding and not just sex and dating. And the second partner is surprised when he or she realizes that his or her lover expects something more than sex. It’s also pretty difficult to deal with situations when one partner tries to build ordinary relationships on the side. For example, your girlfriend said that she fell in love with some guy at work, and she’s moving to his apartment, so you should forget everything that happened between you. It’s like you understand that she has the right to do so, but at the same time, you don’t want to let her go.

How to start an open relationship with a girl

Defining the pros and cons of being in an open relationship, it’s worth starting with vital questions that will help you make your and your partner’s position towards it clear. In case if your relationship is going through a crisis, then sex without obligations on the side can distract you from scandals, help rethink feelings, and even become a catalyst for igniting a spark of love again. So, how to make an open relationship work?

Set boundaries

It’s necessary to clearly establish such aspects as the boundaries of what’s acceptable and what is not, what goal to achieve, and so on. If you don’t know what you want and have no clue about what can hurt your feelings – you’re not yet ready for an open relationship rules

To learn how to have an open relationship, you should also consider the issues of building serious relationships with lovers. For example, determine whether only one-time relationships are allowed, or you can have a permanent partner on the side. Here’s an important question: what to do if your partner meets your lover?

It’s important to decide how often both of you can cheat on each other and how to do it so as not to lose interest in your relationship. Discuss whether you can bring a lover home, or it’s better to meet on neutral territory. Also, you need to point how far the freedom of each of you extends. For some couples, a bit of flirting is enough. Others are looking for intimate relationships.

When you start an open relationship, it’s important to tell the difference between sex, which you can have with anyone you like, and love, which is the basis of your couple. This is quite difficult, and not everyone succeeds. If the spouses manage to reach agreement on all issues, it’s possible for them to build viable open relationships. But it doesn’t happen often, unfortunately.

Think about your partner

How does an open relationship work? Like a sophisticated and sensitive mechanism that can break at any moment because of one detail – a woman. Whatever cynical, experienced, or loving she may be, there’s no guarantee that you won’t see her tears, scandals, or depression. You don’t know when she gets tired of an open relationship and leaves you. In the end, monogamy is stronger than common sense. Besides, your girlfriend can simply change her mind.

Your partner is your priority. When you start an open relationship, you should still be in the first place for each other. And if your loved one needs a helping hand at some point, then you should forget about other lovers and become a shoulder to cry on. Prepare to share. Until you understand that she also can date someone else, you’ll never learn how to start an open relationship.

Now let’s look at the pros and cons of the concept of open relationships.

Advantages of open relationships

  • It’s an easy relationship when no one owes anything to anyone. That’s why it can be stopped painlessly at any time. Maybe this is why it’s the most strong and long-lasting.
  • It’s a relationship, in which you don’t need to prove anything to your partner every day, and you don’t need to set some time frames, like, “I probably should propose to her in two years.”
  • It’s a relationship that makes both partners independent from each other. And if there’s no dependence, there is no jealousy, pain, and betrayal either.
  • Fruit often tastes sweeter when it's forbidden. Maybe after you break all the taboos, your partner won’t want to look for a lover.
  • Open relationships can revive a marriage, make it more interesting, and even save it from complete destruction. Many couples come to the conclusion that cheating is much harmless than the collapse of long and serious relationships, built not only on sex but also on spiritual bonds. Open relationships bring something new – a surge of adrenaline, a taste for an adventure. Marriage based on such principles will never fall apart due to boredom, routine, and monotony.

Disadvantages of open relations

  • In an open relationship, love and sex are separated. Partners understand that they can have sex with anyone, but they have only one person to love. Cheating is perceived as a secondary phenomenon, like something that happens to to ask for an open relationship
  • Even despite the broad views of modern society, a lot of people look at open relationships negatively and consider them immoral. Therefore, having decided to start an open relationship, be ready for friends, parents, and neighbors judging you.
  • This kind of a relationship is perfect only for those who aren’t going to start a family and have kids in the near future. Besides, it’s hard to figure out how to ask for an open relationship.

In conclusion

Each open relationship has its own laws, but they’re built on respect. So respecting the freedom of your partner, you must remember that you love her and that your goal is not to just get other girls into bed. Harmony is your task. That’s why you need to take this decision together, having weighed all the advantages and disadvantages.

It’s up to you to decide if you need an open relationship. One thing is important: you need to protect your personal comfort and, of course, yourself. You can’t go against your views and principles: this will only make it worse. Such a relationship is suitable for those who aren’t ready for marriage. Although marriage also excludes complete control over the individual, you still can do what you want (go to bachelor parties, spend a vacation alone, and go hang out with friends). The choice is always yours. The main thing is to do everything wisely and discuss this with your loved one.

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