How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You

03.09.2019

The ability to forgive is very important in modern life, especially when someone really doesn’t deserve it. This is the real power of a strong person! Forgiving is always a pleasure, though it is not easy to do. This means you can free your heart from the offenses and destructive energy and be better than selfish and primitive self-loving people. So, how to forgive someone who hurt you?

how to forgive a cheater

How to Forgive a Cheating Spouse?

Cheating often catches us unexpectedly. Everything was good, you trusted each other, you lived in perfect harmony, but then a terrible thing happened: a loved one cheated on you. Now you experience the pain of cheating and a loss of trust. Is it worth forgiving it? And most importantly, how to forgive cheating and save a relationship in order to live happily as before and never return to destructive thoughts of the bad experience?

Don’t torture yourself

Cheating is a trauma, a collapse of trust, and a catastrophe. How to forgive a cheater? How to stop tormenting yourself and your loved one? If you decide to forgive, then negative thoughts are useless. You can resort to any method: go to a psychologist, talk to each other, after all, revenge. You must leave your shock in your past life and start a new one. Imagine that everything that happened didn’t happen to you. Cheating was in the past where you were inexperienced and did many wrong things. Now you have changed yourself, turned your mind, and your loved one sincerely repented. This is a chance for a new life.

Ask people you trust to help you

It will be hard, you will not want to see anyone, but it must be done in order not to withdraw into yourself and your grief. Try to communicate with people on abstract topics. A sensible person (a relative, a colleague or a psychologist) can become your support. This should be a person who will not just say that your offender is the worst person on this planet. This person should understand your feelings, listen carefully, and then try to calm you by saying something positive.

Give a person the right to make a mistake

We all make mistakes. Cheating is also a kind of mistake, for which a person also has to pay. It will be very difficult to forgive such a mistake, but it is possible if you believe that it was just a mistake, albeit a rough, reckless, cruel, stupid, but still, a mistake. This is just a “one-off” mistake that will never happen again. At such moments, you should clearly explain to your partner that he/she could lose everything – love, devotion, a happy future together, a loved one, and everything connected with it. Let your partner realize everything and feel how serious the mistake is.

Talk with a partner

Cheating is not only a mistake of a person who did it but also your own. If you were cheated, then you have been neglected. You gave your tacit consent. You gave a reason to compare yourself with other people, deceive, and betray. Think over what you did wrong. Maybe you paid little attention to your partner? Constantly contradicted him or her? The best way to learn about your mistakes is to talk to your loved one. Make it a rule to sit down at the negotiating table. If you learn to solve your problems through a constructive dialogue, then, most likely, cheating will not happen.

Change yourself and your attitude towards a partner

The changes should make you understand that no one is perfect in the world, and also everything in life is possible, even such vile deeds from a loved one. You need to be ready for it and take it more calmly and judiciously. This is how to forgive emotional cheating. And it is also important to understand that sometimes the cause of betrayal lies not in someone but in yourself.

how to forgive someone who broke your heartTake a break

How to forgive someone who has broken your heart? Take a break in a relationship! It will be better if both partners understand the significance of each other far from their chosen ones. Negative emotions will fade into the background, and you can become wiser, more selective, and your consciousness will change in many ways.

How Long Does It Take to Forgive a Cheating Spouse?

For most people, resentment is present in two forms. One is the background resentment – the one that you carry in yourself from childhood, past memories, and negative experiences. The other one is about emotional peaks, sometimes long, sometimes fast passing. Such an insult arises due to specific recent episodes containing negative emotions. An example of the second type of resentment is an insult from cheating. Unfortunately, in most cases, it occurs in people painfully because one or more partners don’t want to let go of the other and are not ready to accept the situation as it is. Attachment, which formed during a relationship, only exacerbates the negative emotions. How long does it take to forgive a cheating spouse? Some believe that at least half the time that the relationship has lasted must pass. Others are convinced that a broken heart can’t be put on a timer. But it turns out that three months after the painful event is enough. People begin to see the bright side of the incident.

In order to forgive (really accept and free oneself from insults), it is worth remembering that when we are offended, we have lost something very valuable. It is something that is very important for us – we parted with our expectations. And this makes us upset. We pass 5 stages:

  • denial (I don’t believe that he/she is capable of this);
  • anger (I hate him/her, want to kill this person);
  • negotiation/compromise (an agonizing, manipulative, unsuitable phase, there is no certainty);
  • depression (tears of grief, despair, powerlessness);
  • long-awaited adoption (at least 3 months).

Of course, three months is an approximate term if we are talking about how to forgive someone for cheating. Some of us need more time to heal a heart wound, someone needs less. Although many believe that it is psychologically easier for an initiator of cheating because he or she had time to prepare for it and he/she wanted it. But actually, this is not so. The study showed that it took about three months for both partners.

How to Forgive Someone Who Isn’t Sorry?

In this life, we meet people who offend us and, at the same time, don’t regret it a bit. The most difficult thing is to learn to forgive, in spite of all the pain you have suffered. However, if you succeed in this, you will suffer less and recover faster from this pain. So, what to do if someone keeps hurting you?

Take care of yourself

Yes, in moments when negative feelings overwhelm and thoughts are completely focused only on the one who offended you, it is very difficult to drop everything and take care of yourself. But, oddly enough, this is the best way out. All the energy that you spend on anger and hatred towards the one who hurt you, it is better to direct developing and improving yourself and your life.

Release the past

One of the most important problems, which doesn’t allow us to forgive a grievance is the inability to let go of the past. You are constantly mentally returning to the situation when you felt bad, scrolling everything in your head again and again. We must try to let go of hard feelings and leave all the bad things in the past, taking it as a valuable life experience.

Try to think about the good that binds you to this person After all, as a rule, we are very offended by people close to us, and no one holds a grudge against an unfamiliar person for a long time.

Understand that you are the master of the situation

This is difficult to reach, but when you realize that your life, your happiness, and your future are only in your hands, you will take a completely different attitude. It depends on how you get out of this situation – whether you feel broken, humiliated and suffocating from self-pity or confident and happy.

how to forgive someone for cheatingTake responsibility for your feelings

In fact, it is only our problem that the words and actions of other people hurt us. In this case, we have to learn to control ourselves in such a way as not to depend on other people. It is difficult, but when you master this skill, you will be able to free from the shackles and take off. Then the question of how many times should I forgive will not arise again.

Show love

Of course, there is no sense to look at all bad things with love, but it is better to accept positively all the negative things that happen around you. Just be ready that people are not always polite and honest.

How to Forgive Yourself?

When we feel guilty for something, we literally can’t move on anymore, our lives become unsustainable. Do you want to live with this feeling all your life? Or is it time to change something? If yes, then learn how to stop thinking about past mistakes.

Don’t think about bad things

The world is imperfect. There are no perfect people. There are no exceptions to this rule. Why do you blame yourself for all personal and other failures? The actions of many people lead to many mistakes. So, how to forgive and forget yourself? First of all, don’t go back to the failures of the past. Conscious conclusions will help not make repeated mistakes in the future and correct your behavior. Forgiveness is the beginning of a new life. Consider whether something can be fixed at the moment. If not, then just move on.

Accept yourself

Be aware of your beliefs and peculiarities. Decide what is important to you, what values and aspirations you have. Separate your desires from the expectations of others. Everything that is legal and doesn’t harm other people is right and shouldn’t be condemned. Don’t try to fit into other people’s standards. Be natural and listen to yourself and your desires. Don’t allow others to impose their opinions and tastes on you.

Accept your past

At first glance, this statement seems obvious and, therefore, banal, but when it comes to real life, we forget about it and live the same scenario from time to time. We are trying to accomplish the impossible, namely, to change the past, which can’t be subjected to “restoration” for one simple reason – the past no longer exists. The only way out is to accept the past as it is.

Love yourself again

The next stage on the road to a new life “without the past” is to re-love yourself. So, if you ask experienced people, “How do you forgive yourself?” they will tell you that they respect themselves, trust their intuition and, most importantly, don’t think that they are the source of all problems. There are things that, alas, don’t depend on us. So, surround yourself with people you are comfortable with and remember that you are stronger than your past mistakes. Just believe in yourself.

Be the better version of yourself

Achieve small goals and use your victories. Every day, you will become better and more comfortable as long as you believe in yourself. Learn to enjoy the process that will allow you to learn more about yourself as an individual. You will never regret it.

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