Dating a Friend's Ex: Is It a Good Idea?

24.12.2019

Dating best friend’s ex is an ambiguous story, which is fraught with many pitfalls. There are a lot of opinions in society, but it is impossible to come to a single one. So that your life doesn’t turn into hell, you need to be prepared for the difficulties that may arise in such relationships. And in general, is it okay to date your friend’s ex-girlfriend?

5 Situations When It’s OK to Date a Friend’s Ex

Can I date my best friend’s ex? Many of us asked this question. They say that relationships with ex-girlfriends of friends are taboo and breaking it means betraying your friendship. Of course, there is rationality in this: when he dated her, he told you about all the quarrels and problems, you were his shoulder to cry on, you were listening to long stories about how painful it was after their breakup and what emotional connection they had. But what if the heart defeated the mind, and you realized that you fell in love with this woman? How to keep friendship and love and is it possible at all?

Your friend doesn’t mind

So, dating my friend’s ex issue should be discussed. If you don’t want to upset your friend, carefully find out what feelings he has toward the ex-girlfriend. If your friend is happy that you like such a nice girl (even though she is his ex), then you can start dating a girl! But even if your friend doesn’t seem to mind your relationship, don’t go too far with the questions like what she likes more in bed and how to get her attention at all. It can make him angry. If he is truly sincere and calm about your relationship, then he will begin to talk about her with you.

Their relationships ended years ago

A breakup is always stressful. It is sometimes difficult to understand the range of feelings: pain, guilt, low self-esteem, jealousy, fear of loneliness. All of them deform the inner world, up to complete spiritual devastation. But after a while, the feelings are dulled. We stop feeling something for our exes. If your friend broke up with a girl more than a year ago, then most likely, he doesn’t love her anymore (otherwise, he would try to get her back).

They were dating for a short time

Dating a friend’s ex, think about how your friend will feel when he finds out with whom you are having a love affair. He loved this woman, spent several wonderful years with her, and experienced many pleasant emotions as well as not really pleasant. Put yourself in his shoes. My friend is dating my ex – how will you feel about it? But it is quite another thing if their connection was short-lived and fleeting. Maybe it’s not so important for him how the life of his ex-partner will be built in the future. They didn’t succeed or she simply didn’t manage to leave any trace in his heart.

They both overcame their breakup

We mean, have they both already dealt with it and moved on? Look, if your friend says that he has already forgotten her, this doesn’t mean that it is really so. In the best case, he should start dating someone new. And if he sees that his ex has started a new relationship (and moreover, with his best friend), this could seriously hurt him. The same goes for your future girlfriend. If she still loves your friend, she may start dating you just because she wants to offend him.

You weren't a reason for their breakup

The most important thing is to know the exact cause of their breakup. If they broke up for personal reasons, that’s one thing. You can try to start dating your friend’s ex. But if you were the reason for their separation (showed attraction for the girl, constantly interfered with their relationship, etc.) then just forget about the fact that you can become her boyfriend. Even if you succeed, you will face big problems.

Dating Your Best Friend’s Ex: Do’s and Don’ts

Starting a love affair with your friend’s ex-girl is a real challenge. After declassifying your relationship, you may hear a lot of unpleasant things addressed to you (and not only from your friend and other people). In society, this form of relationship is not welcome. My best friend is dating my ex – this is one of the mortal sins in our time. But who cares about stupid conventions and stereotypes when it comes to love?

Be attentive

Dating your best friend’s ex, be on guard. Maybe your friend and his ex need to weigh everything, think it over and smoothly approach the solution, and then relax a bit after such a serious test. If you immediately start a romance with your friend’s ex-girlfriend, then it’s very likely that she is doing this to forget her boyfriend. And you absolutely don’t need to be her toy.

Do not rush things

After breaking up, you should wait until the feelings of both have cooled. Having hastened events, you risk being left with nothing: the girl will suffer for the ex-boyfriend and will not pay any attention to your attempts to get closer, and the friend will regard such behavior as betrayal or the reason for ending the friendship. If you fell in love with a friend’s ex-girlfriend, caution, patience, and delicacy should be your main trump cards.

Tell everything to your friend

Act like a man and honestly tell a friend about your feelings because any secret will be revealed sooner or later. Understand that if the truth is told not by you, but someone else, it will only get worse, as he will doubt your frankness and consider such an act as a betrayal. If this person values your friendship, he will understand that you don’t commit any meanness and don’t steal his girlfriend.

Don’t interfere in their relationship

At the same time, if he loves her, he will ask you not to interfere in their relationship, and you, as a real friend, will most likely, decide to come to terms with the fact that they will be together. If the man is indifferent to the lady and dates her only because of boredom, he must understand that you are serious about her, so he will step back and give you a chance to win the heart of the beautiful woman.

Show your self-control

You may have seen pictures of your new girlfriend with your friend or other men somewhere. Of course, the desire to question her about what connected them is very tempting. However, don’t give in to it if you don’t want to ruin your new relationship. After all, you were not together, and the girl had every right to date others.

Don’t give in to paranoia

"What if they still have feelings? This doesn’t pass quickly! Why did she decide to date me? Most likely, this is because we are alike, we are always called brothers." Get rid of these thoughts! Your relationship is a completely different story. Don’t let doubts ruin everything. If you are too jealous and suspecting, then you risk losing not only the girl but also the friend.

Surround her with comfort

Avoid new quarrels and conflicts in every possible way. This doesn’t mean that you should be completely under the thumb. All you can do is make her feel comfortable with you. She needs time to process this story, understand how she feels and how she relates to all this. Give it to her and perhaps she will be your girlfriends soon.

Don’t gossip

The temptation to discuss a new girl with a friend is very great. But don’t forget that they are exes, so they know everything about each other. In the issue of dating my best friend’s ex girlfriend, he is unlikely to be pleased to hear the details of your intimate life with her, and she will not want to know what her ex thinks about her.

Act

You need to forget that once this lady was with your friend. Now she is completely free, so you can conquer her heart in the same way as you did with other girls. Ask her to go out, arrange surprises, say a lot of compliments. Tell her that you need to urgently talk, make an appointment, and honestly tell her about your intentions. And if she feels something for you, most likely, you will enter into a more serious relationship in the near future!

Don’t tell anyone about your relationships

Some people find it strange when a best friend dating ex, and you may have a bad reputation. Behave wisely. While you are not sure that you will have a relationship, don’t show your romance to people around. What if you fail? Everyone will consider you a home-wrecker and will not understand the reasons why your friend broke up with her (even if it was he who left her).

Love or friendship: what to choose?

This is a quite difficult question, and it is up to you. But if you think that the friend’s ex-girlfriend can become your future spouse, then you should fight for her. Don’t hope that this fight will be pleasant. The most important thing is to fight precisely for her love, and not to become her temporary lover. But don’t get into their relationship if she still feels something for him (even if he is cool towards her and “unworthy of her” in your opinion). In 100 cases out of 100, you will be rejected! But in any case, in a situation where you like the ex-girlfriend of your friend, you will make the decision yourself, and you will be responsible for the consequences too. Think a hundred times what is more important to you – love or friendship.