Half Your Age Plus 7 Rule – What Is It and Does It Work?

31.03.2020

People have tried hard to create the ideal formula for a long and happy marriage since ancient times, but, alas, they haven’t come up with the ideal recipe yet. However, using human psychology, one can predict what difficulties a couple may face in the process of marriage, depending on the age of each of them. Today, age gap relationships are common around the world, this is a tribute to a new reality, where feelings and positive vibes are of paramount importance. And they are not subject to any calculations. At the same time, some people worry that they have fallen in love with a much older or much younger person. Most people don’t know what the perfect age difference in relationships is. That’s why when they run into the half your age plus 7 rule somewhere on the Web, they hope it can become their safety ring and magic formula of healthy and happy relationships. Anyway, talking about the ideal age gap for spouses, most people will say that a woman should be younger. This is a long-held belief that dates back to periods when a man got married in old age to a much younger girl who was able to bear children. Times have changed since that moment, but people continue to believe in the power of the half your age plus 7 dating rule.

Half Your Age Plus 7' Meaning

When the honeymoon period in relationships is over, people start asking themselves numerous questions, and one of them is about the importance of age difference in relationships. Of course, if partners make their relationships official, they stop bothering much about any differences that don’t have any crucial meaning. However, sooner or later the age gap can bring unpleasant surprises and make partners think about the rightfulness of their decision to stay together. Thus, many people who have just started thinking about dating, try to find out who they should look for. They don’t want to make a crucial mistake and fall in love with a wrong person, relationships with whom will be doomed to failure. So, what is half your age plus 7 meaning? It’s a formula designed to help you meet your perfect partner among single women for dating.

According to the half your age plus seven formula, you should divide your age into half and add seven to it. Thus, you will get the minimal age of your perfect partner with whom you will be able to create a happy relationship. For example, you have registered on a dating site and want to set the desired age range. You are 38 years old. Thus, your potential ideal partner should be at a minimum of 26 years old (19+7).

Half your age plus 7 rule is in vogue nowadays, especially among people who are looking for serious relationships and don’t want to waste their time on unsuitable partners. One should mention that this formula has been designed specifically for the male audience and their desire to be involved in younger girls dating. And you shouldn’t perceive it as the only correct scenario. The age difference cannot become the sole criterion for choosing a partner as well as it cannot guarantee its further success. So, you should be realistic and don’t forget about all other important things because age is not only about appearance, it is also about maturity, experience, life goals, and plans.

Where Did It Come From?

It’s not surprising that people are interested in the origin of the specified best age difference for marriage that tells a man should date and get married to a woman who is half his age plus seven. Someone may think that it’s the main actor of Titanic who has implemented this rule into life, having started dating young models, but it’s not the case.

This rule is not official, but it has already affected many generations since its first reference in a book by Max O’Rell in 1901. Some people are sure that it was created just to justify the men’s desire to date much younger women since an acceptable age difference in love is nonsense. When it comes to love and emotions, mathematical equations don’t work out. When you meet your soulmate and understand that

“This is exactly what you need,” you should follow your heart. And there is no logical reason for this statement to be a strict rule. And since this formula was designed more than 100 years ago by men, it’s obvious that they created it to get some benefits. Nowadays, when people are free to date everyone they want, it’s more logical to look at the match of your life goals, values and maturity level than to choose a person, basing on the number, specified in their ID card.

The original statement, taken from Her Royal Highness, Woman: And His Majesty Cupid, tells that “A man should marry a woman half his age, plus seven.” And in this case, their relationships will work out. However, if you take this O’Rell’s work as a role model, then you should follow the other statements as well, for example, that a man shouldn’t marry a girl who is either richer or taller or older. Don’t you think that such statements are a bit outdated? After all, romantic relationships are about feelings and your inner state next to the person.

Main Reasons Why Half Age Plus 7 Dating Rule Doesn't Work

A rare person can answer the question, “What is an acceptable age difference between couples?” And the half your age plus seven formula will hardly give you a correct answer as well. Back in the days, scientists made a study, trying to define the most suitable age gaps between people in love. The respondents were asked what age difference they believe normal for different relationship stages, starting with casual dating and to committed relationships. The female participants informed that they prefer peers or not much older men. While male participants turned out to choose younger women, and the older they get, the bigger the age gap becomes, thus, men in their 50s choose women about 25 years younger. Besides, there are some other reasons, why half age plus 7 dating rule can turn out to be ineffective.

1. You should change your partners year after year

A big age gap involves a tangible difference in thinking, and when a man is 10 years older, partners belong to different eras, which means that their opinions may not coincide on many issues. There were different ideas and values, a different educational system and role models in the childhood of such people. In addition, an older partner automatically assumes the role of a controlling parent in relation to the younger one. So, there are high chances that a man will not treat his woman seriously enough and will try to change her in some way, adjusting to his world view. Such attempts to change a partner may lead to abusive behavior, constant restrictions, and misunderstandings. A younger partner may start asserting her rights, proving that they are equal in maturity and intelligence.

2. You can make a successful couple with an older woman

What is one of the most important things in happy relationships? To be on the same page with a partner. And who said that you cannot do that with an older woman? It doesn’t matter how much older exactly she is if you feel comfortable with each other. It has been proven that a couple can go further only when both partners are on the same emotional level, and they have the same values and intentions. There are many guys who prefer dating older women since they are less capricious and more interesting, mature and open-minded. So, for such men, half age plus 7 dating rule will be completely ineffective and even disastrous. Besides, nowadays, when girls are free to do whatever they want, they don’t hurry up to give birth to kids being in their 20s, while a much older man can be ready for building a family.

3. Age doesn't always speak for an experience

It is easier for young people to adapt to crises and life changes, they make compromises more easily, and their psyche is more flexible. Mature men have already formed ideas about many things, they have a clear system of values and principles, several established rituals that help them calm down and give a sense of stability. If it turns out that the girl does not like some of his habits, he is unlikely to change them because they are part of his personality and comfort. So, a younger partner will have to accept the rules of the game and come to terms with her loss in advance. Besides, your age is just a number, and it doesn’t reflect the gained experience and the level of maturity. You become wiser not because you grow older but because you are getting through a certain number of life circumstances.

How to Make Age Gap Relationships Work

All couples face challenges in their relationships despite the fact of whether they are peers or representatives of different generations. Talking about average age difference in couples, it’s about 2-5 years. Often, a big age gap becomes a root cause of misunderstandings that lead to breakups. However, it doesn’t mean that the same will happen to your couple. If you love each other and cannot imagine your life without your beloved person, then you can cope with everything. People constantly ask themselves questions, “How young is too young to date? What is the best age difference for husband and wife? How to save our relationships if we have an age difference? Can we become happy?” We have prepared some tips on how to make your age gap work out.

1. Don’t focus on your age gap

If you start worrying too much about your age difference and reflect on all the possible drawbacks, you will poison yourself against your partner. Such an attitude will definitely lead to arguments and numerous quarrels, and your relationships will be doomed to failure. Your state of mind affects everything around you, including your communication with a beloved person. You should forget about numbers that are specified in your ID cards and behave appropriately to a situation. Sometimes, a 20 years old girl can behave mature and be pretty wise, so don’t dwell only on the age gap if it doesn’t affect anything in reality. The magic of relationships is about partners’ personalities, values, and worldviews here and now.

2. Admit that your partner belongs to another generation

In a situation where the age difference is about 15 years, one cannot ignore the fact that partners belong to different generations with their own mental characteristics. Having grown up at different times, on specific movies, in different political eras, spouses have deep psychological differences that, at a minimum, need to be realized. Understanding the differences allows the couple to adjust to each other, treat each other’s background with respect and interest. Some people make a big mistake, being confirmed that all generations are the same, and any differences are imagined. It’s not the case, but on the other hand, it cannot become a reason to reject a person who is looking in the same direction as you.

3. Find common interests

If you have been dating for a long time, then you have many things in common because physical attraction cannot become a foundation for committed relationships. If you don’t want to feel your age gap so acute, you should search for common interests that will bring maximal pleasure for both of you. It can be anything you are fond of. It may seem at first that people with an age gap cannot have shared interests, but it is a misconception. Analyze your pastime, hobbies, aspirations, and desires. You should understand what exactly unites your couple to focus on the commonality of views and favorite activities. Thus, you will stop noticing your age difference that often.

4. Stand up for your relationships

A big age difference makes you wonder what the couple’s motives are. It is worth taking a sober look at the situation, analyzing your feelings and thoughts. If tender affection is based solely on the fact that you can afford to date a much younger girl, then it is unfair to continue such a relationship. Sooner or later, the situation will get out of control, the secret will become apparent. Nonetheless, if the thoughts are pure, and the feelings are really strong, you should make every effort to save love. Just analyze what you love this person for, what you get in this relationship and strive for. To meet a challenge, you should be confident both in the feelings of your partner and your own ones. They are of crucial importance in a relationship with a big difference in age.

5. Don’t doubt your choice

To be able to deal with all troubles and make your age gap relationship work, you should be 100% sure in the rightness of your choice. Without faith in your feelings and high self-esteem, it is easy to give up when the first problems appear. Don’t feel uncomfortable that you have fallen in love with a much younger or older person. It’s only up to you to decide who is worth your love and attention. You shouldn’t doubt your choice when something goes off-script. A relationship should bring pleasure and improve your level of life, otherwise, why do you need them? If your relationships make you feel depressed, it means they are toxic and will not lead to anything good.

Don’t Dwell on Your Age

The study showed that couples with a big age gap are usually more satisfied with the relationships in general. In such relationships, there is also a higher level of commitment to each other, more confidence and less jealousy than in couples of the same age. Alas, this usually does not last long. If there is a big age gap, then satisfaction with relationships decreases for both partners much faster, compared to those who have a slight age difference.

Nonetheless, don’t forget that all couples, with or without age differences, may experience the same difficulties on the way to creating strong and happy relationships. And nothing defines the process and intermediate results as the ability to discuss and cope with existing differences and potential risks on a regular basis. In the end, the age difference has nothing to do with real arguments when choosing a partner. Only love, commitment, and friendships between partners are of crucial importance.